Food Network Staffer Diary: I Ate Like a Kardashian for 3 Days

Most of us go above and beyond simply “keeping up” with the Kardashians. Kylie Jenner dyes her hair and within a split second her “transformation” is the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter. Kim posts a nude selfie to Instagram and a full-blown social media war ensues. Khloé Kardashian finalizes her divorce with Lamar Odom and the U.S. population reacts as if the royal couple just called it quits.

In 2007, our fascination with the Kardashian family transitioned into hardcore obsession. Keeping Up With the Kardashians was officially on the air, exposing the American people to a highly addictive television series. Even I will admit I’ve spent hours of my life watching Kourtney Kardashian eat salad on a television screen. Those are hours I will never get back and, unfortunately, that’s something I have to live with.

Over the past 10 or so years, we’ve watched each of the Kardashian sisters grow … and in other ways, we’ve watched them literally shrink down. Yes, I’m talking about their beyond drastic, inconceivable weight loss journeys in which they seemingly drop about 5 pounds overnight.

Kim lost almost 70 pounds only seven months after she and Yeezy welcomed Saint West into the world — which could very well be equal to the weight of both my legs. Khloé also shed some serious poundage within the past year, reaching her slimmest weight yet in late July. The 32-year-old superstar dropped a whopping 40 pounds post-separation with Odom and has kept the weight off since. Kourtney has been stick thin for years. Then again, we’ve never seen her eat a carb, so that explains that.

All three of the OG Kardashian sisters have opened up to various media outlets about their day-to-day diets. After hearing each of them spill the beans on how they stay so thin, I decided it was time to give the Kardashian diet a good old-fashioned try.

I ate like a Kardashian for three days, following Khloé’s, Kourtney’s and Kim’s daily diet plans. Here’s what I ate each day and how I rated each Kardashian’s diet.

Day 1: Khloé

After struggling with her weight for years, Khloé finally buckled down and decided to take control over how she treats her body. For months, she has subjected herself to hours of hardcore workout sessions with trainer Don Brooks and has started cooking her own meals using fresh produce from local farmers markets. For that she thanks her older sister (and total health fanatic) Kourtney, whose middle name may as well be “Organic.”

Khloé’s diet is packed with protein and vegetables. While her portions are small, she relies on healthy, filling snacks to keep her feeling satisfied and energized throughout the day.

Khloé starts her day at 5:00 a.m. with a full glass of water, a black coffee and a morning workout sesh. She has her first meal when she returns from her workout.

8:00 a.m.: Khloé rarely eats the same meal multiple days a week. Instead, she makes small moderations to her staple recipes. Her go-to breakfast is oatmeal with an added source of protein such as eggs, nuts, nut butters or a protein shake. (Eating protein within 30 minutes of a workout maximizes your results and prevents your body from using its own muscle tissue for energy.)

With that being said, I am certainly not about that 5:00 a.m. wake-up life (hey, I said I would follow her diet, but I did not sign up for this psychotic sleep regimen). I wake up at normal human hours and follow Khloé’s breakfast plan, filling up on a bowl of warm, delicious and very satisfying oatmeal topped with 1 tablespoon of almond butter. I recommend adding a dash of cinnamon to boost the oatmeal’s flavor profile and kick-start your metabolism.

11:15 a.m.: I’m not starving, but I am craving something on the sweeter side. I decide it’s time to “indulge” in my mid-morning treat and am super pumped to learn that one of Khloé’s favorite snacks (other than protein/fruit shakes) is one serving size of nuts. Salted cashews and honey roasted peanuts are two of my absolute favorites.

However, I am deeply disheartened and somewhat nervous when I realize what one serving of nuts actually looks like. Pictured above is a 1/4 cup of sweet and salty trail mix.

I typically “snack” on at least four times that amount of nuts. Help.

Moral of the story: Cashews and almonds are a solid snack if eaten in extreme moderation. Just don’t go nuts — ha ha!

1:05 p.m.: Khloé waits until 1:00 p.m. to eat lunch, so I venture to the office refrigerator at 1:05 p.m. to grab my next meal. I’m hungry but not starving, and I am definitely excited for an afternoon boost.

If you watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians on a regular basis, you know that the Kardashian sisters are almost always munching on lettuce for lunch. It was no surprise to hear that Khloé’s lunch consists mostly of greens, light dressing and chicken. I added avocado and cucumber to keep myself sane.

2:34 p.m.: It suddenly dawns on me that Khloé’s diet is not drastically different from my own. She and I seem to have very similar go-to meals, except her meals are simplified and come in smaller portions. To counterbalance the smaller portions, she treats herself to more snacks.

I’m learning!

3:13 p.m.: Speaking of snacking, it’s time for snack No. 2, which consists of fresh vegetables (I opted for carrots) and 3 teaspoons of hummus. This, too, is one of my favorite combos, but I rarely think to pack it for a snack the night before work. Typically, I bring only lunch (no snacks) and end up gorging myself for dinner due to prolonged hunger and an undeniable lack of self-control.

I wonder which lifestyle is healthier.

5:45 p.m.: I know Khloé would be disappointed if I didn’t work out today, so I head to the gym after work for a nighttime spin class. Unlike most days, I’m not craving food or worrying (yes, I legitimately worry) about what I’ll eat for dinner.

6:25 p.m.: As I wait for my 45-minute spin class to begin, I have a moment of weakness and remember that pizza exists. For a split second, I feel a deep sense of sadness, but after remembering what awaits for dinner, I manage to pull it together.

I make it out of the spin class absolutely exhausted and completely covered in sweat but somewhat alive.

8:06 p.m.: Khloé is reportedly “not a pasta girl” and doesn’t eat bread at night. For dinner, she usually opts for chicken or fish with vegetables or a sweet potato. I treated myself to 8 ounces of oven-baked, Dijon mustard salmon with sauteed garlic broccoli and cauliflower on the side. It was 100 percent the right move.

8:40 p.m.: For a late-night dessert, Khloé steers clear of ice cream and cookies and reaches for Greek yogurt to satisfy her sweet tooth. I ended my night with 4 ounces of Greek yogurt with fresh strawberries, which gave me the added boost I needed to make it through the night. I’m genuinely satisfied — weird.

11:47 p.m.: As I mentally and physically prepare for bed, I’m noticeably surprised that I’m simply not hungry. I’m typically a late-night snacker, often guilty of indulging in a bowl (or five) of popcorn before I hit the hay. However, I nestle into bed with little to no temptation of shoving anything else in my mouth. It’s an extremely different feeling for me.

Rating: 9/10 Kimojis

This is definitely the type of healthy eating I could get used to. Khloé’s diet is all about organic, fresh produce and eating in moderation. I genuinely think I (and most people) could follow this diet on a regular basis. It would be difficult but very possible.

Another huge plus of eating like Khloé: This Kardashian is super committed to her diet and fitness regimens, but when she indulges, she indulges hard. Her cheat day diet often consists of McDonald’s chicken fingers and chocolate cake, and she never apologizes for treating herself.

Day 2: Kourtney

Kourtney has certainly lived up to her title as “health freak” of the Kardashian family. In one of Khloé’s recent blog posts, she revealed that her older sister “only eats organic food and has pretty much convinced herself that she is allergic to dairy and gluten too.” That means no milk, no cheese, no bread, no pasta; as far as I’m concerned, that essentially means no joy.

For obvious reasons, I have a strong gut feeling that Kourtney’s diet is going to be the most challenging. I’m nervous for what’s in store but extremely determined to make it through the entire day without putting a single drop of milk in my coffee. If she can do it, so can I.

Maybe. We’ll see.

8:15 a.m.: By now almost everyone has heard about Kourtney’s famous avocado pudding. Truthfully, when I started this three-day extravaganza, I was dreading this green bowl of mush most. Something about the consistency of blended avocado simply did not sound appealing to me.

All you need to make Kourtney’s avocado pudding is a blender and three ingredients: half a ripe avocado, 1 cup of coconut milk and two packs of organic stevia. After little to no meal prep, I took a single bite of Kourtney’s avocado pudding and, to my surprise, it was absolutely delightful. The combination of ingredients resulted in a perfect balance between creamy and sweet, a filling breakfast and a super-solid start to my morning.

11:15 a.m.: Kourtney snacks almost solely on fruits and vegetables throughout the day. A couple of hours after indulging in my avocado pudding, I throw back a large apple despite the fact that I’m actually not hungry. I’m shocked at how filling my breakfast really was, and I am feeling somewhat guilty for internally judging Kourtney so hard. Sorry, Kourt!

1:25 p.m.: After conducting thorough research to find out what Kourtney typically eats for lunch, the internet led me straight to her “signature salad,” a big ol’ bowl of chicken, avocado, hard-boiled eggs and tomato. I’m not much of a hard-boiled egg gal (typically I opt for sunny-side up despite my pessimistic nature), but for Kourtney’s sake, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone.

This is a meal I would never prepare for lunch on a typical day. Why? I’m not sure, because it was honestly incredible. I now know that I do in fact like hard-boiled eggs.

3:02 p.m.: My afternoon snack is a large pear, which I truthfully do wish was a Snickers bar. I’m getting through this diet, but hey, I’m only human. And as a human who basically lives off chocolate, Day Two is starting to feel a lot like Day 439 would.

4:11 p.m.: I consider starting a new Instagram under the handle “large_pear” in which I document large pears in their natural habitat. (Unfortunately, “largepear” already exists.)

4:13 p.m.: I decide it’s not in my best interest to take on that commitment right now.

7:47 p.m.: After a quick, at-home workout (shout out to Jillian Michaels) it’s finally time to consume more food. I haven’t had grains since my Day 1 breakfast, and I’m craving something that’s not necessarily a protein or vegetable. Shocking.

Luckily, Kourtney spilled the beans that one of her go-to dinners (especially when cooking for her kids) is gluten-free brown rice pasta topped with steamed vegetables.

I measure out 3 ounces of “pasta” (about 300 calories), carefully place it in a pot of boiling water, then start to prepare my vegetable toppings. I’m not a huge fan of steamed veggies, so I decide to saute my broccoli and cauliflower instead. A little olive oil won’t kill me, right, Kourtney?

After taking my first bite of gluten-free brown rice pasta I’m immediately confused. It takes exactly the same as OG pasta, and I’m genuinely questioning how it’s different. Part of me wonders if this was simply a case of false advertising, but I decide to trust “the system” and accept that it’s just surprisingly tasty.

Unless the government is behind this.

8:00 p.m.: It finally happened. My stomach is growling. My options are more fruit, more vegetables or more protein. In other words, more of everything I don’t want.

8:47 p.m.: I need chocolate. I cave and basically inhale three dark chocolate squares. I was so close, yet so far.

Rating: 6/10 Kimojis

For only 24 hours, Kourtney’s diet was almost doable, but to think that she eats this way every single day is sort of insane. Unlike Khloé, Kourtney rarely lets herself slip and takes much more extreme measures to eliminate specific food groups entirely. I may not eat sandwiches every single day, but I can’t imagine my life without ever having them.

If you’re willing to completely reshape both your diet and your lifestyle, you may be able to pull off Kourtney’s diet — but keep in mind, the next time your girlfriends decide it’s pizza night, you’re truly out of luck.

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but too many apples and not enough pizza may also repel your friends.

Day 3: Kim

Kim gained 60 pounds throughout her pregnancy with Saint West and has since been determined to get back to “2010 Kim” at a teeny tiny 120 pounds. She decided to make Atkins a lifestyle, meaning she essentially survives off of eggs, chicken, fish, turkey and meats with a whole lot of vegetables in between. Berries and healthy fats like olive oil, salad dressings, avocado and nuts are also allowed, though this is a protein-rich diet meant to leave you feeling full and satisfied all day long.

Say goodbye to french fries.

8:15 a.m.: Surprisingly, Kim has a much heartier breakfast than I ever do on a typical weekday morning. I am genuinely surprised to see that she typically starts her day with eggs and cheese (usually an omelet) along with turkey sausage, Greek yogurt and berries. To be honest, staring at all of the ingredients on my counter before 9 a.m. actually feels a little overwhelming — almost like it can’t be right.

I opt for scrambled eggs with one link of chicken sausage (turkey sausage is not my favorite) and 4 ounces of Greek yogurt mixed with fresh strawberries. I leave my apartment feeling strangely full and slightly confused but pretty pumped for the rest of the diet. After enduring Kourtney’s shenanigans the previous day, I’m definitely ready for more serious eats.

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Photo by: Ha Huynh ©Ha Huynh

Ha Huynh, Ha Huynh

11:40 a.m.: I’m extremely relieved to learn Kim is a deeply devoted fan of peanut butter, as nut butters are an absolute staple of my daily diet. My morning snack consists of one small apple and 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. The moment the peanut butter hits my tongue, I immediately feel like myself again.

1:56 p.m.: After deciding to stay true to the Kardashian ways, I power through yet another salad filled with spinach, cucumber, grilled chicken and creamy cilantro dressing. The dressing’s creamy, savory flavor is beyond delicious and helping me stay somewhat sane.

Like Kourtney, Kim tends to simplify her meals. She makes sure to incorporate protein into her salads but tries not to overload her greens with caloric legumes or vegetables. Portion control and moderation, even when it comes to protein and vegetables, is key.

Or whatever.

4:47 p.m.: I’ve had a busy day at work and forget that I still have one more snack to push me through the afternoon. It suddenly dawns on me that I have another 1/4 cup of sweet and salty trail mix just waiting to be eaten in my bag.

Bless up. I’m seriously craving something sweet. I shove the handful of nuts into my mouth in a matter of seconds and officially call it an afternoon. The finish line is closer than ever before, and I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow morning looking exactly like Kim.

7:55 p.m.: Dinner has arrived and, boy, has it made an entrance. I’ve never considered myself a die-hard fan of green beans; in fact, this may very well have been the first time I actually purchased them at the grocery store, but these Parmesan garlic green beans are the definition of #AtkinsGoals.

The flawlessly crisp, crunchy and cheesy vegetables combined with my favorite Dijon mustard salmon prove to be the highlight of my entire three-day diet. Shout out to green beans for being a truly underrated vegetable. I’m sorry I let zucchini and squash steal the spotlight for so long, but I promise to be better from now on.

Rating: 8/10 Kimojis

The Atkins diet definitely kept me fuller and more satisfied than Kourtney or Khloé’s diets did, however, as someone who deeply appreciates carbs, I can easily see that this would be challenging to sustain long-term.

Kim’s diet is perfect for people who eat to live but don’t live to eat. The protein-rich meals leave you satisfied and energized but don’t exactly suppress your carb and sugar cravings. If you have the strength and willpower to essentially cut those food groups out of your diet, I will fully support you and will cheer for you on the sidelines — most likely with a slice of pizza in hand.

Related Links:

Should You Weigh Yourself Every Day?

Ask a Dietitian: Does It Matter How Much You Chew Your Food?

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