Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Cook the lo mein noodles until al dente, about 3 minutes. Drain, and drizzle with a little bit of sesame or olive oil, to keep the noodles from sticking. Set aside.
Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken and brown, breaking it up with a wooden spoon. Add the Chinese 5-spice powder and a small pinch of salt. Continue to cook until the seasoning coats the chicken, about 30 seconds.
At this point, set aside about 3/4 cup of the noodles with 1/2 cup of the chicken. Divide that between two small plates, and drizzle a tablespoon of orange juice over both plates. Garnish with a few mandarin orange wedges and a tiny bit of scallions, if your kids dig it! Serve it to your littles.
Now, for you. In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, brown sugar, fish sauce, lime juice, olive oil, and the remaining 2 tablespoons orange juice. Pour the mix over the remaining ground chicken in your skillet, and bring the heat back up (if you've turned it down, to tend to the kids). Add the bean sprouts and bell pepper and cook, stirring, 3 more minutes, so the flavors have time to marry. Add the remaining noodles to the pan and toss to combine.
Serve with fresh lime wedges and the remaining scallions! Good grief, almighty. Eat!