Late Night Bacon

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This recipe is missing crucial information. For starters, it doesn't say exactly how many PBRs you have to consume prior to making the bacon. Also, how are you supposed to make the microwave aware of the time? The clock on the machine doesn't read "AM" or "PM" so how will it know it's for late night bacon? What if it gets confused and thinks it's morning bacon? Has anyone else had this problem?! Help!!!

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Do not attempt this recipe too soon! This was my mistake, and it cost me dearly. It was long ago, before you were born. Sit down, and I will tell you.

I was just a lad when the world was fresh and new, and late night was nothing to worry about, or even consider. The morning stretched on before me like an endless bounty of excitement and adventure. I skipped and sang carefree songs; songs only a virgin soul could sing. I knew no pain or sorrow.

Time has a habit of catching up with us all, and before I knew it, afternoon was upon me. It was hot, far too hot. The sun beat down upon me like waves of buffalo..buffalo determined to make me feel much, much too hot. I ceased my skipping and took shelter in the shade of a nearby tree.

But lo, this was no ordinary tree. From the leaves I extracted the purest, most divine bacon imaginable. Bacon so fatty and delicious, this was truly the bacon of the Gods. I had never known temptation like this.

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Imagine, if you would, the music of heaven and earth in pig flesh. How could I resist?

I greedily picked the bacon from the tree, and set to work building a fire. I roasted the bacon in the afternoon sun, not knowing what was to come! Not knowing what evils lie ahead! I was young....too young. Foolish. It was much too soon.

I...I lost everything that day. The unripe bacon, too young, far too young, went up in a black smoke. A spark landed on the tree, and it was immediately engulfed in a terrible fireball, so terrible that just viewing it from a distance, which of course I had ran to upon seeing my fragile shelter immolate, made me fall to my knees and weep. The bacon tree was gone.

I had no more shelter, and the afternoon sun bore down like buffalo on me again. Only this time, there was nowhere for me to go. Nowhere to hide.

And then, darkness.

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I registered on this website just so I could tell all of you how much I've enjoyed your reviews. I haven't laughed this hard in a long,long time. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go try this 'recipe'. I hope I don't end up in jail because I make a stupid mistake while cooking it. You do take it out of the package first, right?

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i dont know what to do. my printer is out of ink and i cant print the recipe. can someone call me and read the directions so i will not mess this up? PLEASE HELP

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I really like to entertain, and up until now, I've had to rely on those veggie and cold cut platters that you buy from the grocery deli section, with goldfish crackers. No longer! I did a test run making LNB for my boyfriend and his buddies when they were over for a WoW LAN party, and they LOVED it! So now I want to use this recipe when I have my feminist book club meetings, but I need to know: can this be vegan? Also, one of my friends is allergic to gluten? Is bacon gluten free? And another friend is lactose intolerant. Is bacon lactose free? So yeah, I need to know how to make vegan-friendly, gluten free, and lactose free versions of this recipe. Please help!

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Oh my God THANK YOU RAY RAY! All my life I never knew how to heat up bacon in my microwave. Every time I asked someone how to do it they would laugh and ask me if I was "serious". Thank you so much for taking the time to instruct people like me who never had the opportunity to learn about microwave usage as children! This is why you are the modern day Julia Child!

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I can't believe you are releasing my secret bacon recipe!

It works at other times of day, too.

Jim

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Does anybody know if this recipe is kosher?

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I didn't have any paper towels, so I crammed a bacon covered bath towel into the microwave instead. After 3 minutes the whole thing caught fire and exploded. Thanks a lot Rachael. Now I have to get a new microwave and paint over the burnt spots on the wall.