Late Night Bacon

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I have heard legends that speak of an archaic device referred to as a "Stove." They say that in the before-time, in the long-long-ago people would use their "Stove" to prepare meals with fire!

Any thoughts on this? Personally I think it was extremely careless of ancient man to have an open flame in the house. If there isn't one already then there should be a law against this; I would hate to think of someone burning their house down for some bacon!

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Saw this and knew I had to try! As I was preparing, I decided to make a few modifications. Instead of bacon, I thought "has anyone ever tried peanut butter?" No...no it couldn't work, but I felt compelled to try. The peanut butter wouldn't spread easily on paper towels though, so I quickly scanned the kitchen for an alternative. BREAD! Brilliant, my master-piece was almost ready. But something was missing. I took a quick peak in the fridge and saw something that caught my eye, a glistening jar of jelly. Mind you at this point I was quite sure I was breaking the laws of nature and science, but I had to go forward, I had come too far... Unable to spread the jelly over the peanut butter, my quick intuition said to grab another piece of bread and fast before this once in a life time epiphany escaped me! After spreading the jelly, I combined the two pieces of bread and looked at my creation with amazement. Broken microwave so tried it raw and it was fantastic! Thanks for the recipe Rachael!

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Do not attempt this recipe too soon! This was my mistake, and it cost me dearly. It was long ago, before you were born. Sit down, and I will tell you.

I was just a lad when the world was fresh and new, and late night was nothing to worry about, or even consider. The morning stretched on before me like an endless bounty of excitement and adventure. I skipped and sang carefree songs; songs only a virgin soul could sing. I knew no pain or sorrow.

Time has a habit of catching up with us all, and before I knew it, afternoon was upon me. It was hot, far too hot. The sun beat down upon me like waves of buffalo..buffalo determined to make me feel much, much too hot. I ceased my skipping and took shelter in the shade of a nearby tree.

But lo, this was no ordinary tree. From the leaves I extracted the purest, most divine bacon imaginable. Bacon so fatty and delicious, this was truly the bacon of the Gods. I had never known temptation like this.

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Imagine, if you would, the music of heaven and earth in pig flesh. How could I resist?

I greedily picked the bacon from the tree, and set to work building a fire. I roasted the bacon in the afternoon sun, not knowing what was to come! Not knowing what evils lie ahead! I was young....too young. Foolish. It was much too soon.

I...I lost everything that day. The unripe bacon, too young, far too young, went up in a black smoke. A spark landed on the tree, and it was immediately engulfed in a terrible fireball, so terrible that just viewing it from a distance, which of course I had ran to upon seeing my fragile shelter immolate, made me fall to my knees and weep. The bacon tree was gone.

I had no more shelter, and the afternoon sun bore down like buffalo on me again. Only this time, there was nowhere for me to go. Nowhere to hide.

And then, darkness.

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This was the coolest recipe! I had to make some substitutions though because I was missing ingredients and I didn't discover that till I'd already put the paper towels in the microwave. (Kids: make sure you have your ingredients together BEFORE starting to cook! Subbed in 1/4" thick slices of eggplant, but to keep it moist, dumped them in a bit of whisked egg & milk. Soppy wet then, so had to dip it in breadcrumbs. Nuked up in 4 minutes though : Bit bland, so best bet is to dump some tomato sauce and a couple cups of mozzarella on this - and parmesan to make up for the salt in the bacon. Microwave an additional 15 minutes and you have super epic Late Night Baconless Bacon!

Will make this (with my changes AGAIN! Thanks Rach!

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I have no paper towels, can this be made with toilet paper instead?

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You should have warned me that this recipe wouldn't work in the Arctic Circle during Summer. The sun didn't set and I had no indication as to the lateness, and you never mentioned that I should have defrosted the bacon first. It tasted more like a bacon popsicle. Also, there was no mention of it not being a halal dish, which was awkward when I went to share the meal with the folks down at the local mosque.

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... to transmit through ... conscious neural interference. ... We are transmitting from the year one, nine, nine, nine. You are receiving this broadcast in order to alter the events you are seeing. Do no attempt this recipe. Some ... thing came from the microwave. We were ... to stop it. ... brain's electrical system as a receiver ... You are seeing what is actually occurring ... causality violation.

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How late is late night? Being somewhat inebriated, I overcooked the bacon so I proceeded to walk down to the Waffle House. They must know Rachel and Paula because they had the bacon recipe as well as tons on butter for pancakes too! All I need now is a coffee recipe - please share!

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I will say this "Late Night Bacon" is tasty, but the portion is too large for one person. I could only finish half the paper towels (they really are filling, so I gave the rest to the cat. He seemed to enjoy them, but the next day all hell broke loose with his bowels. Do you have any idea how much emergency cat surgery costs, Rachel? It also broke the bond of trust between us (which I had carefully nurtured for YEARS! and he keeps biting me whenever I get near him with food now. You'll be hearing from my attorney.