Your appetizer comes with fewer chips than the host has on his shoulder.
Dinner a la Darkness
You have to shout over the music to be heard or whip out your phone's flashlight to read the menu.
Slippery Seasonings
The salt and pepper shakers are greasy.
Messes Abound
They take their cleanliness cues from the Fratellis' restaurant in The Goonies.
A Menu with a Vengeance
The food screams "I'm going to poison you!" and means it.
A Lot of Ums and Uns
The service staff is full of uns: uneducated, unhappy, underwhelming.
Haphazard Service
The courses aren't timed properly.
Sloppy Care
Bussers hover over you asking if you're finished, meanwhile your water glass is dryer than a Monty Python sketch.
Playing the Blame Game
Mistakes aren't corrected quickly or without pushing blame.
An Untidy Loo
The bathroom looks like it was featured in an episode of Law and Order, after the crime.
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