For the cinnamon ice cream: Mix together cornstarch and 2 tablespoons milk in a bowl to make a slurry. Whisk the cream cheese into the slurry until smooth and set aside. Fill a large bowl with ice and water.
Combine cream, sugar, corn syrup, cinnamon, salt and remaining 2 1/2 cups milk in a 4-quart saucepan. Bring to a rolling boil over medium heat and boil for 4 minutes. Remove from heat and gradually whisk in the cornstarch slurry mixture.
Bring the mixture back to a boil over medium heat and switch to a spatula. Cook, stirring, until slightly thickened, 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from the heat. (If you want to add the brandy or whiskey, now is the time.)
Pour into a bowl and place bowl inside ice bath. Stir until cool. Spin the ice cream in an ice cream maker until frozen, then place in freezer overnight for full flavor results.
For the funnel cake batter: Combine milk, vanilla and eggs in a bowl and whisk to combine.
Combine flour, baking powder, cardamom and salt in a bowl and whisk to mix and aerate.
Add dry to wet and combine thoroughly until there are no lumps and it is smooth (you can also use a blender to ensure that it is a smooth batter, but if you can't, put some elbow grease into it and whisk it… if you can't, there's a whole other problem going on there… seek medical advice or suck it up and put your big-girl panties on). Set aside in refrigerator until ready for use.
For the apple pie filling: Stir together apples and lemon juice in a bowl. Set aside. Melt butter in a shallow pot, then add apples and stir to coat.
Add liquor and quickly reduce by half, then stir together sugar, apple juice, cornstarch and cinnamon in a small bowl and add that. Continue to cook until apples are softened and mixture has thickened and reduced by half, then fold in caramel. Spread on a baking sheet for quick cooling. Don't eat too much of the filling, or there won't be enough for the actual dessert. (I'm looking at you, put the spoon down.)
For the chipotle caramel sauce: Combine sugar, lemon juice and 1/2 cup water in a 2-quart pot thoroughly and clean down sides with a wet pastry brush to prevent crystallization.
Bring to a boil and let it cook until medium amber color (don't touch it, don't stir it, don't even look at it sideways, or it will know and it will crystallize on you. Seriously though).
Remove from heat and slowly whisk in heavy cream (it will steam and bubble and you should watch yourself or be scarred 4evah, hot sugar is no joke).
Whisk in butter, chipotle, vanilla and salt until combined and smooth.
To finish: Preheat oil to 370 degrees F in a deep-fryer.
Lay a flour tortilla flat on a surface, then use a pastry brush to brush the entire outer edge with the funnel cake batter. Fill with 2 scoops apple pie filling, (don't be greedy or it won't roll and close) then roll up tight. Drop the whole thing in a shallow bowl of funnel cake batter and completely coat the entire baby burrito. Use tongs to gently place the battered rolled burrito in the fryer. Cook until golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes.
Remove and place on a tray lined with paper towels. Place cooked pie in a serving dish and top with a generous scoop of cinnamon ice cream and a nice drizzle of chipotle caramel (don't be stingy). Now shove a bite in your piehole! Dahhhhhhlish!
This recipe was provided by a chef, restaurant or culinary professional. It has not been tested for home use.