Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. (This pot will be used to cook the kale and broccoli.) Prepare a large bowl of ice water fitted with a fine mesh strainer.
Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in a second large pot over medium heat. Add the onion and celery and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened and slightly translucent, 3 to 4 minutes. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.
Add the broccoli florets to the pot of boiling water and cook until crisp but still bright green, about 3 minutes. Remove with a spider or slotted spoon and plunge them into the bowl of ice water. Drain when fully cooled, about 1 minute.
Stir the broccoli into the onion-and-celery mixture. Toss in the bay leaf and cover the vegetables with the broth. Cook over medium heat until the broccoli is tender, 5 to 6 minutes.
Meanwhile, add the kale to the pot of boiling water, pushing the kale down with tongs to make sure it is fully submerged, and cook until crisp but still bright green, for 30 seconds. Remove with tongs and plunge the kale into the bowl of ice water. Drain and squeeze out excess water when fully cooled, about 1 minute. Set aside.
Make the garlic-chili oil. Heat the remaining 1 cup olive oil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add the garlic and cook until golden and crisp, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the red pepper flakes and cook for 1 minute. Pour the garlic-chili oil into a small bowl.
Wipe out the small saucepan. Cook the creme fraiche and 1 tablespoon finely ground pink peppercorns in the small saucepan over low heat until the creme fraiche just melts, 1 to 2 minutes. Allow the mixture to cool slightly, then pour it into a squeeze bottle and set aside.
Remove the pot of soup from the heat. Discard the bay leaf and add the blanched kale. Allow the soup to cool for 5 minutes. Work in batches, transferring the soup to a high-speed or stand blender and puree until smooth (use caution when blending hot liquids).
Add the apple cider vinegar and season with salt and freshly ground black pepper.
To serve, ladle the soup into bowls. Squeeze a swirl of the pink creme fraiche on top. Drizzle with the garlic-chili oil and sprinkle the remaining 1 tablespoon finely ground pink peppercorns. Enjoy!
When blending hot liquid, first let it cool for five minutes or so, then transfer it to a blender, filling only halfway. Put the lid on, leaving one corner open. Cover the lid with a kitchen towel to catch splatters, and pulse until smooth.