The Most Graceful Way to Respond When Dinner Guests Ask “What Should I Bring?”
Dessert – or gossip? We consulted 6 entertaining starlets.
Mikey Detemple
Athena Calderone
A few hours before hosting, you might be busy putting together appetizers, chilling beverages and rushing here and there. Kind texts ping in: "Can’t wait to see you later, what should I bring?" or "Do you need anything?" If you’re anything like me, you wonder how to reply. I typically respond with something like, "Just yourself!" so people don’t feel pressured, but then wonder if it sounds insincere, because my friends will bring something — and my response puts the onus on them to figure out what. In a recent meeting at the Food Network test kitchen, my colleagues and I debated the etiquette. Different opinions abounded. The natural thing to do? Turn to a few entertaining starlets for guidance.
Athena Calderone, renowned interior designer, author, chef and entertaining expert, sums up the delicate tension inherent in the question at hand: "Of course, I love to craft every element of a dinner party from the menu to the table, but I also want my guests to feel at ease in my home. By allowing them to participate, you invite them to feel part of the process, to encourage a sense of ownership and camaraderie." Depending on the style of gathering, the author of Cook Beautiful and Live Beautiful might say, "bring a green salad," while other times she’ll respond with "bring your favorite dessert," because more dessert is ALWAYS a good idea."
Most People Agree on Dessert
Others agree that dessert is a natural assignment. Stephanie Lau, founder of a TikTok-viral NYC-based potluck called Cookbook Club, says that if a gathering isn’t themed, she often asks guests to bring a sweet treat. "Everybody likes a little sweet treat at the end of the meal. It’s just helpful," Lau says.
Give the Night a Theme
And speaking of themes, Camilla Marcus, chef, entrepreneur, community-builder and author of My Regenerative Kitchen, says she frequently integrates guests into "fun and interactive" experiences. When hosting, she might proactively tell everyone to bring an interesting ceramic mug, and at the end of the night people do a mug exchange. She’s asked people to bring their favorite books and to write inside what the book means to them, then turned them into place card settings. But also, PSA: you can always just ask your guests for dessert. "I find that home cooks stress about dessert," she says.
Brett Warren
Chloé Crane-Leroux
Drinks Are Always Welcome
Drinks are an easy, low-lift but helpful option, too. "I typically just say bring your smile and laughter and good company and that’s it. If they’re very insistent on bringing something, I just say whatever you want — a bottle of wine or something,” says Chloé Crane-Leroux, New York City-based content creator and author of The Artful Way to Plant-Based Cooking, which focuses on luscious entertaining recipes. Musashi Osaki, a chef at Michelin-starred Restaurant Yuu, is known for showing behind-the scenes restaurant prep including dinner party prep on his social accounts. When it comes to drinks, he's a little more specific: "I always recommend bringing a bottle of wine, preferably champagne because it goes well with almost anything. It’s celebratory and lightens the mood! Otherwise if it’s a N/A [non-alcohol] event I would ask for kombucha."
Keep the Ask Low-Pressure
When in doubt, you can simply take a cue from Laura Kim, Creative Director of clothing brands Oscar de La Renta and Monse who loves to cook and hosts with grace: "I like everyone to come in good spirits and with good gossip to share." Now here's an answer that certainly has a better ring to it than "Just yourself."
And If You're the Dinner Guest...
Do ask if your host needs anything. Most of our experts agree that you should first enquire if the host is short on anything specific or if they’d prefer a certain type of beverage to pair with the meal. If your host says they don’t need anything, don’t come empty handed. Instead, consider bringing a thoughtful offering that you know the host will appreciate: a bottle of nice olive oil, a sweet something that they'll like from a popular new bakery (and that everyone will want to sample) or a bouquet of beautiful flowers.
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