I Hate Coffee and I’m Not a Morning Person — Here’s What Wakes Me Up

Spoiler alert: It's NOT another caffeinated beverage!

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March 05, 2020
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To say I’m not a morning person would be an understatement. It’s bad. Like, really bad. Every night I have to set three alarms (yes, three) and space them five minutes apart because if I don’t, I will inevitably hit the snooze button after the first alarm, nod back to sleep and repeat this process for hours. Once I’ve finally rolled out of bed after the third alarm, it takes me an hour or so to become alert, active and not such (as my loving boyfriend would put it) a grouch.

Now, a normal person would just wake themselves up with a good ol’ cup of joe. However, as I’ve written in the past, I cannot stand the taste of coffee. To put it lightly, I think it tastes like dirty bean water. I’ve tried it hot, cold and mixed with chocolate, creamer and just about every dairy and non-dairy milk out there. Coffee doesn’t do it for me, so I rarely drink it.

So, how in the world do I get my day started? One word: Kombucha.

That’s right — bottled kombucha (the trendy tonic you’ve probably seen everywhere) is my key to surviving those rough mornings. Its tangy taste and fizzy mouthfeel wake me up like nothing else!

For those who haven’t tried it, kombucha is a fermented tea drink that’s made by adding a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast (S.C.O.B.Y.) to black or green tea, sugar and occasionally fruit juice or flavorings. The mixture then sits for a few days, giving the live bacteria and yeast ample time to break down most of the sugar in the tea and convert it into alcohol, carbon dioxide and acid. After this fermentation process, you’re left with that signature sour and almost vinegary booch.

There are loads of unique kombucha flavors on the market ranging from floral to fruity, and while I’ve tried a good number of them, I usually grab G.T.’s Strawberry Serenity as my morning go-to. This bright blend is comprised of 95% kombucha plus a splash of strawberry puree and tastes like sweet berry jam, despite boasting just four grams of sugar per serving. Not only does the bubbly texture jolt me awake, but the drink also helps my gut feel great all day.

Before you ditch your usual morning cup of coffee, it’s important to note that kombucha is by no means packed with caffeine. In fact, kombucha contains about one-third the amount of caffeine compared to its original tea before fermentation. For example, an 8-oz cup of black tea contains an average of 47mg of caffeine, so if your 8 oz bottle of booch was brewed from a black tea with around 47mg of caffeine, it contains about 16mg of caffeine. In comparison, you can expect to find around 80 to 100mg of caffeine per 8-oz cup of black coffee.

So, if you can’t function in the morning without a mean cup of java, booch might not be the kickstart to your day that you need. But if you’re trying to cut back on caffeine or you unabashedly hate coffee (🙋), this bubbly beverage is a gamechanger.

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